MEET THIS MOTLEY CREW OF CHARACTERS:
Introducing "Steve" the dependable, handsomely rugged cowboy and his beautiful
conquer the world cowgirl bride "Robin". Steve is stuck with his lazy but lovable horse "Percy the Pinto" who refuses
to be ridden and gripes about labor laws. He is of course, a stallion, or at least he is in his own imagination.
STEVE: Well, one of us is riding the other into town.
PERCY: Well, walk slowly so I don't hurt yer back.
STEVE: Would you do it for a sugar cube?
PERCY: *whinnying laughter*
STEVE: How about a carrot?
PERCY: I'll do it for 24 carrots. A set of 24 karat horseshoes to impress Angel (Robins much more agreeable
mare). If you throw in a corvette, I'll DRIVE ya.
Like all equines secretly do I'm sure, Percy dreams of stardom. He is never more animated than when a camera
is turned on. Then he's seabiscuit at the gate.
Percy: Willllllburr!
Steve: Stop calling me that!
Percy: How come Mister Ed gets a show and I don't? I mean, I'm a talking horse too!
Steve: Mister Ed knew when to shut up.
Percy: Wilbur, I want to sing on Broadway!
Steve: We're not trying that again! The last time I took you to New York you yodeled down Broadway until
that mounted cop gave you a ticket.
Percy: Yeah, but his mare gave me her phone number!
Steve: How'd that work out for you?
Percy: I don't know. When I called, some dude from Bellevue Hospitals psyche ward answered.
Steve: You don't say?
Percy: I told them I was looking for a horse named Sally and fifteen people (and a sixteenth claiming to
be Napoleon) came to the phone. ...
Then there's "Clumsy" the clutsy, bipolar clown, who can't seem to get a grip on
anything. (Loosely modeled after me, lol.) The man called in to treat him is "Dr. Moody, MD", who specializes in
broken hearts and fractures of the funny bone. He is assisted by "Nurse Joy", who is almost annoyingly cheerful in the face
of make-believe medical disasters. (Curiously, Dr. Moody has a strong German accent, which is unexpected, considering
he was born and raised in Baltimore. )
There is our relentlessly patriotic, often incomprehenible 43rd President, George
"Dubya" Bush, in the fluff.
"I resent being referred to as a...a...puppet. You can tell those evil-doers
who manufactured me that I will search under every couch and behind every fat man until I find them. And then I'll
tell them where they can put their hands...." You can't have a more dignified, more important puppet guest to any party,
political or pool. Get him a little tipsy and he'll armpit fart for you.
There are the Grandparents, "Bob" and "Rose". (Named after my own wonderful much
missed grandparents but they're a lot more imaginative.)
Loving, modest, shy and soft-spoken, Rose claims she once romanced every old hollywood
heart-throb "before I met your grandfather"., when she ruled vaudville as the flamboyant chanteuse "Lady Carlotta". Her
catch phrase is "Take a sweater!" When Rose goes off on a tangent about her days and nights with Errol Flynn or Valentino
or Ronnie Regan, Bob rolls his eyes and tells her she aught not be doubling up on those "little blue pills". Like most Grandfathers, Bob dreams
of the perfect golf score and-though he can never remember where to find his glasses (on his face)-he can remember in great
detail how in "his day" he had to walk barefoot five miles uphill in a blizzard, carrying his portly cousin, to school.
"Woah!" exclaims 15 year old blonde-haired, fresh-mouthed valley dude grandson
"Kip". "I like, just thought everybody took the dinosaur." (He get's like, so grounded, dude. )
I need to find a pint-sized sized golf club for Bob, not that he would really know
how to use one. The last time he tried his hand at golf he sent a ball sailing high and hard.
"Rose!", he exclaimed, jumping up and down. "Lookit this one! It's outta sight!
It's gonna be a hole in one! Jack Nicklaus has got nothing on me!" He stares skyward, shielding his eyes from the sun with
his little puppet hand. A clunk and a sqwalk are heard. "Uh-oh." And then suddenly a bird drops out of the sky and lands at
his feet. "Never mind, Rose! ....By the way, do you know how to prepare roast duck?"
Chef Gino, with his thick Italian accent couldn't be more fun, whether you're a
seasoned pro or warrent a visit from the fire department on a weekly basis. Gino is unconventional, part chef and part magician.
Regardless of the strange ingredients thrown into the pot at a performance-all ussualy inedible items borrowed from audience
members-a masterpiece results when real pizza is presented for everyone's enjoyment. He sometimes seems to be channeling Julia
Child. Sometimes Groucho Marx.
"I have-a no use for-a measuring cups-a", he explains. "I use-a my shoe."
His shoe? "If it's a good enough-a for champagne it's good enough for-a my spaghetti bolonaise." In his off-time,
Chef Gino stars in informertials, marketing a bizarre assortment of impossible household devices, sometimes suggested by audience
members, in "stuffed sketch comedy".
The blonde female teenager will soon be transformed into an OU cheerleader, for
the sporty among you. She will cheer until the game is won (or someone gags her). She is perfect for the graduate or anyone
else who is celebrating or struggling and in need of a little encouragement.
40 inch "Fuzzy What's He?" is an unidentifiable, irresistable, shaggy haired
something children and adults and alike can't help but fall in love with. He also seems to speak a language
all his own so perhaps he's an alien. Get to know him and help me figure it out!
And introducing "Lily" the little Latina girl, who like every other four
year old, sees the world with wonder and curiousity. She wants to be an artist when she grows up-as evidenced by the crayon
masterpieces on the walls. (She won't mar your walls, I promise!)
And if you're really daring, you might invite the adorable one year old twins,
"Baby Reggie" and "Baby Violet" to your party, either one or the pair. They may not be able to walk and talk on their
own but that won't stop them from getting into a fair amount of fun to watch mischief.
:-)
TO BE COMPLETED....
